I Can't Get You Out of My Mind
by Titan5
Summary: Tag to the Hive in which Sheppard has some lingering effects from the wraith queen's interrogation.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Atlantis or any of it's characters. This is just for fun.

Author's Note: This is a continuation of The Hive episode and you-know-who gets whumped (can't help it). It picks up in the infirmary as the episode ends.

I Can't Get You Out of My Mind – Chapter One

"Well, you know Ford. I wouldn't be surprised if we run into him again," said Sheppard. Teyla, Ronon, and McKay silently agreed, thinking about the almost supernatural way the altered soldier kept turning up after they thought him dead.

Sheppard looked back and forth from Teyla to Ronon. "So, you guys starting to feel more like yourselves?"

Teyla nodded. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. It was...very uncomfortable when the enzyme first wore off, but we are much better now."

Sheppard looked around back to Ronon. "How about you, Chewy?"

Ronon scowled a bit at the nickname. "I'm okay, Sheppard."

"Good."

Sheppard walked across the room to stand beside McKay. As he turned his back to the wall, the slight headache he'd had for a while suddenly ignited into what felt like hot fire racing through his temples. He gasped from the sudden onslaught of the intense pain and room began to tilt wildly to one side. He put one hand up to his head and tried to get the other on the wall for support, but he missed. He felt himself falling and heard people calling his name, but all was lost in darkness before he hit the floor.

oOo

His first awareness was the headache thumping in his temples to the beat of his heart. It felt like a rope was stretched between the sides of his head and someone was gradually twisting the rope, causing it to pull tighter and tighter. He instinctively put his hand to his head even before he got his eyes open.

"Colonel? Can you open your eyes for me?" Beckett's voice prodded him the remainder of the way to consciousness.

"Trying," he whispered. And he was trying. His eyelids just didn't want to cooperate. He worked at it for several seconds (which seemed like several minutes to him) before he finally got them open. His eyes finally focused on the concerned faces of Beckett, and just behind him, McKay.

McKay looked relieved to see him wake up, but then adopted a silly grin. "Ha! Colonel Sheppard fainted. Colonel Sheppard fainted!" he said in a sing-song voice.

Sheppard snorted. "Didn't faint . . . passssed out." He was a little disturbed to find his speech somewhat slurred, almost as if he'd been drinking. Beckett didn't look too pleased either.

"Be quiet, Rodney. Colonel, how do you feel?"

Sheppard looked briefly around the room. He could see Teyla and Ronon, still dressed in white scrubs and sitting on their beds. He looked down to see he was still in his uniform. That was a good sign. Elizabeth and Colonel Caldwell stood at the foot of his bed, Elizabeth looking concerned and Caldwell just looking annoyed.

"I'm fine. How long was I out?" He was glad to find his speech improving.

Beckett frowned. "Almost fifteen minutes. What do you remember?"

Sheppard rubbed his head again, until he saw Beckett eyeing him, and then he stopped. "We were talking. I walked over to the wall there and then . . . my headache kind of flared up and I got dizzy and . . . then I woke up here."

Beckett crossed his arms and looked upset. "Your headache? And what headache would that be, since you didn't mention having one in your post mission check?"

_Oops!_ "Uh, well, . . . you know, just a little headache. It's wasn't very bad and you needed to be checking on Ronon and Teyla. Look, I'm fine . . . maybe just a little tired."

"Perhaps this has something to do with the interrogation by the wraith queen," suggested Teyla.

Sheppard slid Teyla an annoyed glance as Beckett jumped on her statement.

"You were interrogated by the wraith queen? What happened?" asked Beckett, the concern in his voice notching upward. Sheppard noticed that Caldwell perked up, losing his appearance of total boredom.

"Interrogated by a wraith queen? Why didn't you mention that before now, Colonel?" Caldwell's voice didn't sound quite as concerned. No, it was more of an accusatory nature.

Sheppard couldn't help it - he rolled his eyes. "I didn't tell them anything," he said, his voice sounding as if he was talking to a child. "Anyway . . . she got sidetracked the first time and killed the second time. It didn't last long on either occasion."

Beckett gasped. "You were interrogated twice? Colonel, I need to know what she did to you."

Sheppard laid his head back against the pillow. "It's hard to describe."

"Try," said Beckett.

"O-kay. She seemed to have some kind of power over me . . . dropped me to my knees without even touching me. It was as if she was in control of my actions, not me. It felt like . . . it felt like she actually somehow reached her hand into my head and . . . " He shuddered involuntarily at the memory of the recent pain and feeling of helplessness.

"Colonel, how long have you had the headache?" When Beckett saw the way Sheppard glanced back up at him, he knew the answer. "You'll be my guest tonight, Colonel. We'll be running some tests tomorrow. I'll get you some scrubs and you can get changed."

"Aw, doc . . . I'm fine. Maybe I could –"

"Colonel, I'm not asking. I'll get those scrubs." Beckett said it with a finality that let Sheppard know he was there for the night. "You can keep Ronon and Teyla company."

Sheppard looked at Weir and Caldwell. Weir gave him a sympathetic look that silently told him to be a good boy and do as he was told. Caldwell just looked smug. This was not turning out to be one of his better days.

oOo

Sheppard sat on the bed in his own set of white scrubs, his knees drawn up to his chest and his chin resting on his knees. He was watching Beckett go through test results across the infirmary. Teyla and Ronon had been dismissed over an hour ago and yet, here he sat, the last one to be let go. Adding insult to injury was his remembrance of the fact that he was the only one who _didn't_ get the wraith enzyme. The word _unfair_ didn't seem to even begin to cover the situation.

"Okay, Colonel." Beckett's voice brought him back to the current world.

Sheppard looked up at Beckett. "Well?" he asked, expecting that Beckett had found a reason to keep him overnight again.

"Well, your test results are all negative. Maybe you were just tired. I'm releasing you to your quarters, but I want you to get plenty of rest. I'm leaving you off the duty roster for the next two days. Check back with me then and if everything is still clear and you've gotten some rest, I'll put you back on duty."

"So. . . I can go?" he asked tentatively.

Beckett grinned at the little boy look on Sheppard's face. "Yes, you can go. I'll have the nurse bring your clothes out to you."

"Yes," Sheppard whispered. Things were beginning to look up.

oOo

Sheppard was really glad to crawl into his own bed that night. It wasn't that it was that much more comfortable, but it was his bed in his quarters and it was a lot more private. But it wasn't a restful night. He tossed and turned with all sorts of weird dreams about the wraith. Sometimes he was fighting the wraith and sometimes he _was_ the wraith. Sometimes he was being fed upon and sometimes he was trapped in a cocoon aboard a hive ship, struggling to get free.

He awoke early in the morning, drenched in sweat and shivering with . . . fear? Struggling out of bed and into the bathroom, his head throbbed, making him dizzy. He splashed water on his face, swaying as he held onto the sink for support until his stomach began to rebel against the way the room was spinning. Soon he was leaning over the toilet, heaving up his last meal. By the time he finished, his energy was depleted and he curled up on the floor. His face felt hot and flushed and the coolness of the floor felt good and seemed to soothe his headache. He wasn't sure how long he stayed there, dozing in and out as he tried to get enough energy to get up and back into the bed.

"Sheppard? Are you in there?"

He startled at the sudden loud shouting and knocking on the door. He was cold and stiff and it took a minute to remember why he was laying on the bathroom floor. He wanted to shout at the person making such a loud commotion outside his door, but he didn't think that was such a bright idea in light of his headache. He struggled to his feet, leaning heavily against the wall.

"Colonel, what are you doing in there? Oh my gosh . . . you don't have a woman in there do you, because that would just be - " He made it to the door controls and the door swooshed open. "wrong," finished Rodney McKay.

"Do you have to shout?" asked Sheppard quietly. He turned around and walked slowly back into the room, McKay right behind him.

"I wouldn't need to shout if you would answer your door. What are you up to, anyway?" He watched Sheppard as he slowly turned around and sat on the bed. "You okay? Because you don't look okay. Maybe you should go see Beckett."

Sheppard raked his hand through his already unruly hair. "I'm fine, McKay . . . just didn't sleep well. Weird dreams. Did you want something other than annoying me?"

"I was on my way to breakfast and thought I'd see if you want to join me. Then, if you weren't doing anything, I was going to show you some new stuff in the lab."

Sheppard sat there silently for a moment and then looked up at McKay. "I'm not really very hungry this morning, McKay and I'm getting a late start. How about if I skip breakfast so I can get a shower and just meet you in the lab later?" The thought of smelling food, much less eating it, turned Sheppard's stomach right now and he didn't relish the thought of sharing that little tidbit with McKay or Beckett or anyone else with tendencies toward hovering.

McKay didn't look happy, but he finally agreed. Sheppard ushered him to the door and had him all the way across the threshold, when he turned back around. "Are you sure you're all right?"

Sheppard smiled reassuringly. "I'm fine, Rodney. I'll see you in an hour or so . . . unless you need more time to eat than that."

"Hardly. I don't eat _that_ much!" McKay seemed more relaxed, the insulting implication having somewhat convinced him that Sheppard was indeed all right. "I'll see you in an hour."

oOo

"Rodney, how are you holding up?" Sheppard glanced across the lab table at McKay.

McKay hesitated a second and then went back to typing on his computer. "I'm fine."

Sheppard absently fingered the device in his hands. "I never really thanked you for risking your life and going through what happened with the enzyme to save us. I just wanted you to know that I appreciate it."

McKay shrugged his shoulders. "No problem. You didn't need me anyway."

"That's not exactly true. We definitely needed backup. Besides, you got yourself out in one piece, which saved us having to back track and try to find you. You were pretty aggressive out there."

"Yes, I suppose I was," McKay said smugly.

Sheppard laid the device on the table and looked straight at McKay. "What I need to know is how are you _now_? I heard it pretty rough for a while. Are you really okay?"

McKay paused again and then put his hands on the table beside the laptop. He finally looked up and made eye contact with Sheppard. He knew there was no way he could ever explain what had happened to him, how he'd felt, to anyone. Even now, he hadn't figured out how he felt about what had happened. He was just trying to get on with his life and hope everything fell into place. He sighed, considering how to answer Sheppard's question. "I don't know, Colonel. I'm still working on that. Let me get back to you."

Sheppard nodded. "If you need to talk . . . if you just need someone to keep you company, you know where to find me."

McKay smiled. "I know. Thanks." McKay's shoulders seemed to relax a bit as he stood and walked over to a shelf. He picked up a device that looked a little like a cordless phone with buttons at one end and a small screen at the other. He handed it to Sheppard and began to explain what he and Zelenka thought it might be used for.

Sheppard stared at the glowing artifact in his hand. He could hear McKay prattling on about the device, but he had ceased to pay attention to what the man said. He found it hard to concentrate on anything but the pounding in his head. He'd never been subject to migraines, but he thought surely this one was getting close. It had intensified to the point he felt dizzy and nauseous again.

"Colonel! Are you even listening to me?"

Sheppard grimaced. "Don't shout, Rodney," he whispered.

After a few minutes of silence, Sheppard glanced at McKay to find the scientist studying him like a specimen. "What?"

McKay sighed. "You look like crap. I still think you need to see Beckett."

"I don't need to see Beckett," he argued. "But I can't do this any more." He laid the artifact back on the table and got up to leave. He was almost to the door when the dizziness overcame him and he felt himself falling once again.

oOo

"Carson, I think he's waking up," yelled McKay.

"Shhh," whispered Sheppard as he tried to drag himself back to consciousness. "Headache, 'member?"

"Rodney, what are you yelling about? This is an infirmary, not a bloody stadium."

"Guys, please," pleaded Sheppard softly. He still hadn't managed to open his eyes.

"Oh, Colonel Sheppard's awake. Why didn't you say so? Colonel, can you open your eyes for me?"

"Working on it," he said softly. Sheppard finally managed to open his eyes a slit, blinking heavily against the light that burned his eyes. "Light," he whispered, letting his lids close.

"Okay, Colonel, we've dimmed the lights," Beckett said a few seconds later.

This time Sheppard got his eyes open enough to see the Beckett and McKay hovering over him, worry on their faces. "D'I pass out again?"

"Aye, ya did. In Rodney's lab this time, almost an hour ago. Rodney said you still have a headache. How do you feel other than that?"

"Okay." Sheppard was more awake now and tried to lift his head off the pillow.

Beckett put his hand on his patient's chest. "Stay put. I'm afraid you'll be staying for a bit. You can't blame this on being tired again, Colonel. Something's amiss and I mean to find it."

Sheppard decided if he was honest with himself, he hurt too bad to get up anyway. "As long as I'm staying, can I get something for the headache?"

"Aye, I can manage that."

Beckett moved out of Sheppard's line of sight. He fervently hoped the doctor was getting some pain medication, preferably something strong.

"What exactly did she do to you?"

Sheppard looked up at Rodney. "Who?"

McKay rolled his eyes. "The wraith queen, who do you think? What is it with you and women in this galaxy?"

"Must be my charming good looks."

McKay snorted. "Yeah, I'm sure that's it." He paused briefly, noting the pained expression on Sheppard's face. "Really, what did she do to you?"

Sheppard sighed. "I told you what happened. There's nothing more to it."

"She must have done something to you." McKay saw Beckett returning with Sheppard's pain medicine. "Okay, I'm going down to the lab and see if I can figure this out. I'll catch you later."

They watched as McKay rushed out the door.

"Where's he goin' in such a hurry?" asked Beckett as he swabbed Sheppard's arm.

"He thinks the wraith queen did something during the interrogation and he's off to figure it out."

Beckett finished injecting the contents of the syringe into Sheppard's arm. "Well, the timing would seem to indicate that she may indeed be responsible for what is happening to you. The problem seems to be figuring out what she did."

"You guys will figure something out," said Sheppard as he leaned his head back into the pillow and waited for the drugs to take effect. "You stopped me from turning into a bug. This should be easy next to that."

Beckett sighed deeply. "I hope you're right."

oOo

McKay entered the infirmary to find Sheppard's bed disheveled, but empty. He looked around the large room, but didn't see Sheppard anywhere. "Where is he?" he muttered.

"Right here, McKay," came Sheppard's muffled voice. There was a loud clanking noise, followed by a few angrily mumbled words. Sheppard crawled out from under the bed and pulled himself to a standing position beside it, rubbing the top of his head.

McKay's eyes widened. "What are you doing in the floor? Were you under the bed?"

"No I wasn't under the bed . . . well, not all of me. I was looking for my shoes."

"Your shoes?"

"Yes, my shoes. I can't find any of my clothes. I've searched in all the drawers and shelves of that cabinet over there."

"Why do you need your clothes? Has Carson released you?"

"Not yet, but I've had more tests run on me in the last twenty-four hours than I even knew existed." Sheppard looked over his shoulder, then leaned back towards McKay. "And a few I think Beckett may have made up. Anyway, I've had enough. Beckett's off analyzing results or something, so I'm getting out of here while I can. That is, if I can find my clothes."

"And did you ever think that maybe _this_ is the reason you can't find your clothes? Besides, Beckett will hunt you down and drag your skinny butt back down here. You might as well just hop back up in that bed til he's done with you."

"I have this theory. I'm really fine, so he's not going to find anything wrong with me, so he'll just keep me here forever while he looks for something. That means I better get out now."

McKay shook his head. "You're starting to ramble, Colonel."

"Yeah, well, whatever. Maybe I could just slip down to my quarters and get some clothes."

McKay snorted. "Yes, because no one will notice you're wearing scrubs."

Sheppard took a step toward the door. "Well, it's worth a . . . oh, shoot."

McKay barely caught him as he stumbled and pitched forward toward the floor, unconscious again.

"Carson!"

oOo

The return to consciousness was much slower this time. Voices and sounds filtered in and out for a while before he began to make sense of them. The relentless pounding in his head made him afraid to move or open his eyes for a long time, so he just lay there, listening to the sounds of the infirmary. He must have drifted back off to sleep because suddenly someone touched him on the arm, catching him off guard. He flinched, jerking his head and sending out new waves of pain and causing him to groan involuntarily.

"Colonel? Are you awake?"

He recognized Beckett's voice, but he simply couldn't make himself open his eyes or respond. The pain seemed to have him paralyzed, but then he felt someone take his hand.

"Colonel, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand."

Thank goodness Beckett was a quick study. Sheppard concentrated on squeezing the doctor's hand, but several seconds later, he still wasn't sure if he'd succeeded.

"Okay, good. Now, if you're in pain, squeeze my hand again."

Once again, he put all his concentration on conveying a message to the doctor. He was rewarded a few seconds later.

"Okay, Colonel. Just hang on a minute and I'll get you something."

Sheppard was barely aware of the needle prick in his shoulder a few minutes later, but he was very grateful for the gradual decline in the pain level as the drugs took effect and he drifted off to sleep.

oOo

Elizabeth stuck her head in Beckett's office. "How's your patient?"

Beckett looked up from the charts on his desk. "Elizabeth, I was just about to call you. Please have a seat; we need to talk."

Elizabeth frowned as she took a seat across from Dr. Beckett. "What is it Carson? Has John regained consciousness yet?"

"He came to for a few minutes a bit ago. He was in a great deal of pain, so I gave him something and he went to sleep. Elizabeth, he didn't seem to be able to open his eyes or speak. I had him squeeze my hand in order to communicate. I still don't know what's happenin' to him, but I think it may be more serious than I originally thought."

"Carson . . . " Elizabeth stopped, her mouth open slightly, the question she couldn't ask hanging in the air.

"I haven't seen anythin' in his tests to indicate brain damage, so I think the effects were only temporary. His blood work's clean as well. The only abnormality I've found is that his EEG is off. I may want to pursue that a bit more. I'd like to have it runnin' the next time he passes out. It might tell us what's going on in that head of his."

Elizabeth nodded. "Sounds like a good idea. Where's Rodney?"

"He went back to his lab to research the Ancient data base. He said he had an idea and he wanted to check it out."

"I hope he comes up with something."

"Aye. I do too, for Colonel Sheppard's sake."

oOo

The next time Sheppard woke, it was a much smoother transition. His headache had been reduced to a dull throb and he had control of his body again. The relief was slightly dizzying. He was not, however, particularly thrilled with the IV line or the leads attached to his head. He shifted his gaze to the side and found Rodney asleep in the chair beside the bed, his head leaned back and his mouth open. He was snoring softly and a drop of spittle slowly tracked down his chin. Sheppard grinned, debating whether to wake the scientist or not.

Sheppard shifted at the sound of someone coming and looked over to see Beckett. Sheppard put his finger to his lips and then pointed to Rodney. Beckett grinned and nodded.

"How do you feel, Colonel?" Beckett whispered.

"Not bad, actually. Headache's better. Have you guys figured out what's going on yet?"

"Well, sort of. We think we know what's happening, we just haven't figured out what to do about it yet."

Sheppard watched Beckett expectantly. "Doc, are you going to tell me?"

Beckett pulled up another chair and sat down on the side of the bed opposite Rodney. "I'm not sure how much you know about the nervous system, but nerve transmissions are basically electrical in nature. We think when the wraith queen interrogated you, she controlled you by interrupting those electrical signals and somehow taking them over. She was sending the signals to your muscles instead of you, which would explain how she made you kneel. We also think that may be how they make you see things that aren't there sometimes, by interrupting the nerve signals and implanting their own."

Sheppard frowned. "How could she do that?"

Beckett shook his head. "I have no idea how, lad. But we think the reason you are experiencing these residual effects is because she was killed when she was in your mind, controlling you. The sudden interruption sort of . . . short-circuited your electrical system, for lack of a better description. The reason I have you connected to the EEG is to hopefully get a reading on your electrical patterns when you pass out next in order to confirm that is what's happening."

"You mean faint." Both men looked over to see Rodney shifting upright in the chair and rubbing his face with his hands.

Sheppard rolled his eyes. "Beckett's the doc, and he says 'pass out'. Soldiers don't faint."

McKay snorted. "You wish."

Sheppard gave a slow, subtle grin. "At least I don't drool."

McKay wiped his chin and tilted his head back. "I wasn't drooling. I just had a slight overproduction of saliva."

Sheppard continued to stare at him. "We call that drool, McKay."

"Okay, okay. I drool and you faint. We make quite the threatening team. Did Carson explain what we think is going on?"

"Yeah, but I still don't see how that's possible. And if that is what's happening, . . . " Sheppard paused. "Can you fix it?"

Beckett and McKay exchanged looks that made Sheppard very uneasy. "I'll take that as a no."

"We just don't know yet," said Beckett.

"I was actually on the way to the lab. I think I saw something in the Ancient data base last night, but I didn't realize it was related to what's happening to you until just a little while ago. I was going to stop by and see you and then look it up. Guess I dozed off for a few minutes." McKay rubbed his eyes again, drawing Sheppard's attention to the dark circles underneath.

"When was the last time you slept, McKay?"

"I don't know, a day or two ago. I'm fine. I don't sleep much anyway. I'd better get going. Carson and I were discussing the fact that your fainting spells are becoming more frequent and longer lasting, so I think we need to get a rush on this." McKay got up and turned to leave.

"Passed out, McKay, not fainted," Sheppard called after him.

oOo

Elizabeth glanced into Carson's office as she entered the infirmary. Finding it empty, she made her way over to Sheppard's bed to find him meticulously tearing a piece of paper into tiny squares. He had a small pile on the rolling tray table currently positioned over his lap and seemed to be lost in concentration. She stood at the foot of the bed watching him for several seconds.

"What exactly are you doing?"

"Trying not to die of boredom," he said, never diverting from his task.

Elizabeth smiled. "So . . . does that have a purpose other than alleviating boredom?"

"Not much. I did estimate how many pieces I could get to see how close I could come. I was counting, but I think I'm lost now."

"Sorry."

"That's okay. I can count when I'm done. At least it'll give me something else to do."

"How do you feel?"

Sheppard stopped tearing the paper and looked up at her, his index finger absently moving the small squares of paper around on the table. "Not bad. Headache's starting to come back a little."

Elizabeth frowned. "Have you told Carson?"

Sheppard ran his hand through his hair. "Not yet. It really just started kicking up a few minutes ago. I haven't seen him since then."

"Maybe I should go get him."

"No, Elizabeth, I can just . . . "

She had started to turn around to look for Carson, but Sheppard's sudden pause drew her attention back to him. "John?"

"Shi . . . " Sheppard grunted softly as his head lolled back and his eyes began to close.

"Carson!" Elizabeth yelled as she quickly moved to the side of the bed. "John? Can you hear me? Stay with me John, Carson's on the way." She moved the tray table aside as she continued to talk to him and began stroking his arm.

Beckett arrived with two nurses a few seconds later, just in time to see Sheppard go into a seizure. They quickly nudged Elizabeth out of the way as they worked to keep Sheppard from pulling off the EEG leads or hurting himself. It only lasted a few seconds, but it shook Elizabeth to the core. She was just beginning to realize how serious the situation had become.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for all the nice comments! You aren't going to believe this, but this chapter finishes it up. Short and sweet . . . well, short anyway.

I Can't Get You Out of My Mind - Chapter 2

As soon as Beckett had checked Sheppard's IV line and the EEG leads, he gathered the EEG readings and headed for his office, nodding for Elizabeth to join him. As he entered his office, he hit his radio. "Rodney, it's Carson. I need you to come to the infirmary with any information you've found."

Elizabeth just sat and watched for the next several minutes as Beckett poured over the EEG readings. Ten minutes after Beckett called, Rodney entered his office, laptop in tow.

"What? What happened?" Rodney asked, his voice fast and high pitched. "Did Sheppard pass out again?"

Beckett almost smiled at McKay's choice of words. Sheppard would have appreciated it. "Yes, he passed out again, but this time he had a seizure. I'm afraid this is quickly getting' more serious. We need to figure somethin' out and we need to do it soon."

"Did the EEG tell you anything?"

"I've been lookin' at them and I think we were right in our assumption that the wraith queen somehow interfered with the way neural impulses are transmitted. His patterns are almost normal for a while. But shortly before he passed out, they began to become irregular. They continued to become more and more erratic until he passed out and had the seizure. They are still somewhat disrupted, but I'll be keeping an eye on them to see if and how they go back to normal."

Elizabeth shifted her gaze to McKay. "Rodney, did you find anything in the Ancient data base?"

McKay looked down and sighed. "Yes, but you aren't going to like it."

oOo

Sheppard blinked several times, allowing the ceiling tiles to slowly come into focus.

"John?"

He turned his head, wincing at the sudden sharp pain that added to the throbbing. "Elizabeth?"

She stood and moved closer to the bed, laying her hand gently on his arm. "I'll get Carson. He needs to talk to you."

Sheppard frowned. He felt sluggish and weak and he couldn't focus his thoughts. "Did I pass out again?" he asked, his speech slightly slurred. He couldn't remember what had happened.

Elizabeth smiled, but it didn't look genuine to Sheppard. "Yes. Let me get Carson and he can explain." She turned and walked across the infirmary, leaving Sheppard confused and worried. Beckett returned with her a few minutes later.

"Colonel, how do you feel? How's the headache?" Beckett came after him with the penlight, causing Sheppard to wince.

"Getting worse now," he complained.

"You're a bit light sensitive."

"Ya think?" Sheppard asked, annoyance in his voice. "How long was I out this time?"

Beckett looked to Elizabeth and then back to Sheppard. "Almost 16 hours. And we need to talk."

Sheppard frowned. "I'm not liking the sound of any of this, Doc."

Beckett sighed. "You had a seizure right after you passed out. I'm afraid your condition is beginnin' to deteriorate."

Sheppard closed his eyes for a few seconds. "I knew I didn't like the way this was going. Please tell me you guys have come up with something."

"Well, actually we have. I don't like it and I doubt you will either, but it seems to be our only option at the moment."

Sheppard looked back up at Beckett. "You might as well tell me."

"Rodney found a brief description of an incident in which an Ancient apparently suffered the same type of symptoms as you have been havin'. From what we can tell, he was also rescued during an interrogation and the queen killed before she could withdraw from his mind. The Ancients developed a treatment that they had hoped would cure him."

Sheppard frowned at the wording. "They hoped would cure him? Does that mean it didn't work?"

"They never actually got to try it. He died before they finished the project."

Oh crap. "Uh, Doc . . . how long do I have left if I go by this guy's schedule and the treatment doesn't work?"

Beckett looked down at the bed and took a deep breath before looking back up at Sheppard. "About 30 hours."

Great. Thirty hours to live and most of that he would probably be unconscious, the way things were going. Sometimes life just sucked and this was shaping up to be one of those moments.

Elizabeth took his hand in hers and squeezed it. "But the good news is that Rodney has found the lab where they set up the treatment and he's trying to bring it online right now. He's confident he'll have it up and running long before the thirty hours is up."

Okay, now we have thirty hours, an untried treatment, and a lab that isn't functional yet. He wasn't starting to feel better about the whole situation just yet. He looked back up at Beckett. "What is this treatment and what do _you_ think about it?"

"Well, as near as we can tell, you would be hooked up to an instrument that would deliver a mild electric current to the brain for an allotted amount of time. This should reset the electrical system, so to speak, and allow the natural rhythms to be re-established. In theory, it sounds reasonable, if a bit barbaric."

"We're not talking, like, shock therapy, are we? Like in the movies?" Sheppard's eyes were wide and he had started curling his hand around the blanket.

"No, nothing that dramatic. It seems to be a low level current, nothing like what you've seen in the movies. Don't worry, Colonel. I won't let him do anythin' that might make the problem worse. I do wish there was a way to test this before we used it, but that doesn't seem to be possible."

Sheppard relaxed back against the pillows, relief evident on his face. "Well, I'm kind of getting used to being a guinea pig around here. I guess I can do it one more time. It sure beats the alternative."

"Aye, that it does."

oOo

Beckett pushed Sheppard's wheelchair into the small lab. Sheppard immediately noticed what appeared to be an exam table in the center of the room with an elaborate control panel at the head. A shiver ran down his spine, causing him to shudder reflexively. It occurred to him that this was it. If the treatment didn't work, there was a good chance he'd never wake up. _What a way to go. _He had a sudden urge to grab a gun and go search out some wraith . . . or maybe Genii.

Beckett stopped next to the table and locked the wheels. McKay stood by the table, shifting his weight back and forth. As Sheppard pushed himself forward to stand, Beckett and McKay automatically grabbed his arms and helped him to the table. Sheppard pulled himself up on the table with their help and lay down. He was thankful Beckett had removed the IV and monitors before they left the infirmary, making it easier to move around. As he shifted on the table, trying to find a comfortable position, the throbbing in his head began to intensify, pressing against the backs of his eyes.

Beckett noticed the increase in the tension lines around Sheppard's eyes. "Colonel? What's wrong?"

Sheppard closed his eyes in a slow, squinting blink. "Headache's getting worse."

Beckett looked quickly at McKay. "We don't have much time. We need to do this before he has another seizure."

McKay glanced at the control panel. "Okay, just let me connect the electrodes and we'll be ready." McKay slid a panel open and began connecting several electrodes to Sheppard's head.

"McKay . . . you know what you're doing . . . right?" Sheppard hoped his voice wasn't shaking as bad as he felt he was inside. Fear was beginning to clench his stomach, dry his mouth, and tighten his chest. He wasn't sure if he was afraid of the treatment or of the possibility that he would never wake up. Funny how he could drive a jumper armed with a nuclear bomb down the mouth of a wraith ship without flinching, but now he was lying on a table while his insides turned to jello because he might not wake up. Some hero.

McKay swallowed hard. He could hear the slight waver in Sheppard's voice and he knew the man was nervous. Not that he blamed him. He'd be scared to death. He tried to pull all the bravado he could to the forefront of his response. "Of course, Colonel. What do you think I've been doing down here for the last several hours, playing tic tac toe with myself. I've studied the Ancient text in detail and I know exactly what I'm doing. I just had to make a few adjustments and –"

"Adjustments?" asked Carson. "What adjustments?"

McKay continued to work as he responded. "I had to adjust the power output. They had it set too high."

"How do you know it was too high? If it's too low, it won't work and . . . we won't have time for a second try."

Sheppard closed his eyes as the two argued and his headache built toward the crescendo he knew was coming. "Guys . . . time's running out."

They fell silent as they looked at Sheppard, struggling to hold it together as he lay on the table feeling exposed and weak and scared.

McKay looked back up at Beckett. "I've been careful. I know what I'm doing."

Beckett just nodded. He pulled a syringe out of the bag he had brought with him. "Colonel, I'm going to give you something to relax you and help ease the discomfort the procedure will cause."

Sheppard nodded and watched the doctor inject the contents of the syringe. "Before we do this, I need to say something."

McKay rolled his eyes. "No more deathbed confessions, Colonel. They make me nervous. You'll wake up in a few hours and you can tell us yourself."

Sheppard smiled. "Yeah, well, just in case I don't, it's been an honor to work with you both and I've enjoyed getting to know you. Pass that thought along to the others if the need arises. And thank you for standing by me. You've been there every time I needed you and that means more than you'll ever know."

"I told you to quit getting mushy on us," whined McKay.

Sheppard smiled again. "You're a good friend, Rodney."

McKay opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, but couldn't manage to say anything. By the time he closed his mouth for good, Beckett put Sheppard's wrist down on the table and looked up at McKay. "It's time." Sheppard's eyes were closed, his breathing even.

McKay nodded and looked back at the console, taking a deep breath. "Good luck, John," he whispered as he activated the controls.

Sheppard's body immediately stiffened and he grunted softly. His head pushed back into the thin mattress on the table as his neck and shoulders arched up off the table slightly. Several seconds passed and Beckett looked nervously to McKay.

"Rodney?"

McKay shook his head. "Not yet." They watched another few seconds until a thin line of blood ran from Sheppard's nose down to his upper lip.

"Rodney?"

McKay glanced down at his watch and seemed to be silently counting off the seconds. Finally he shut the device off and Sheppard's body relaxed back onto the exam table. Beckett immediately began checking his vital signs. McKay watched, fidgeting with the edge of the table until the doctor completed his exam.

"Well, is he okay? Please tell me I didn't kill him."

Beckett smiled and shook his head. "You definitely did not. His vital signs seem to be okay. I'll call for the gurney and we can get him back to the infirmary. I had them wait down the hall a bit. The Colonel didn't want an audience."

"Carson, did it work?"

Beckett sighed. "No way to know yet. We'll just have to watch him and see."

McKay stood by his friend while Beckett went to meet the medical team with the gurney. He planted his hand firmly on Sheppard's shoulder. "You had better be all right. Who else am I going to make fun of on a daily basis if you're not here? No one else has the hair or that swagger or plays Kirk to the women like you do. I hate to admit it, but the place would be boring without you. And if you ever tell a soul I said that, I'll deny it."

oOo

Sheppard was aware of soft whispers around him, although his mind was too fuzzy at first to recognize who they belonged to. He lay there listening, slowly beginning to realize they were the voices of his team, sitting with him in the infirmary. He smiled as he pushed his lids open and blinked, focusing on the ceiling above.

"Hey, look, he's awake. Go get Carson." McKay's face came into view above him. "Colonel, how do you feel?"

"Okay," he said as he tried to clear his throat. He was awake, but his mind felt clouded and muddled. He tried to focus on what was going on around him. McKay lifted the head of the bed to more of a sitting position and Teyla poured a glass of water. Holding the glass, she placed the straw up to his lips and he drank, grateful for the relief to his dry mouth and throat. "Thanks."

Ronon appeared with Beckett a few seconds later. "Colonel, it's good to see you awake."

Sheppard was a little surprised at how genuinely glad the doctor seemed to be. "Hey, Doc. How long have I been out?"

"Almost twenty-two hours," replied McKay. "We were getting worried."

Twenty-two hours? No wonder his thoughts seemed sluggish and fuzzy.

"How's your headache?" asked Beckett as he began taking Sheppard's pulse.

Sheppard paused a few seconds. "Okay. Better than it has been. Did I pass out again?"

Beckett looked up at Sheppard and frowned, making the Colonel more than a little nervous.

"Colonel, what is the last thing you remember?"

Sheppard licked his licks nervously as he concentrated on trying to remember what had happened. "I remember talking to Elizabeth, I think about being bored." Sheppard frowned. His memory seemed to cut off in the middle of her visit. "I don't know, it just kind of stops there."

Elizabeth moved a step closer to the bed. "You don't remember talking to Carson about the treatment developed by the Ancients?"

"Or going to the lab to have the treatment?" asked McKay, looking skeptical.

Sheppard's frown deepened. "No, I don't remember any of that."

"Is this normal Dr. Beckett?" asked Teyla worriedly.

Beckett sighed. "Actually, short term memory loss is not unexpected under the circumstances. I wouldn't worry about it."

"Exactly what am I not remembering?" asked Sheppard. "What happened?"

"I found a reference to something similar to what happened to you in the Ancient data base," explained McKay. "The scientists devised a treatment in one of the labs."

"Did it work?" asked Sheppard, his eyes wide.

"Well, not exactly. They never got the chance to test it because the guy died before they finished. You were the first person it's been used on apparently."

"You . . . you used this treatment on me?" McKay nodded. "And it's never been tested on anyone before?" McKay shook his head. "And I agreed to this?" Another nod. "Man, I really am screwed up. Did it work?"

Beckett placed his hand on Sheppard's shoulder. "We don't actually know yet, son. That's what everyone is waiting to find out."

Sheppard shifted nervously in the bed and began picking at the IV line in the back of his hand. "So, what happens next if it didn't work?"

Beckett moved his hand to still Sheppard's and pull it away from the IV. "According to the Ancient text, convulsions, coma, and then death a short time later. But we have every reason to think the treatment worked."

"How long before we know?"

"If you continue to progress at the same rate as the patient in the text, we have about two hours."

Sheppard nodded. Two hours. Two long hours . . . or maybe it would be two short hours. Kind of depended on what happened. Sheppard leaned back against the pillows and tried to relax. "Okay, well, how about if I just hang out here while we wait?" He took a deep breath and offered up his best smile. No use being all depressed and dragging everyone down during what might be his last two hours. No, he had to think positive.

Beckett smiled back. "I think we can accommodate you, Colonel."

"Good. Guys, I know you probably have other things to do besides sit around here for two hours, so feel free to go. I'll be okay."

Teyla moved to his side and took his hand in hers. "Colonel . . . John, there is no where else we should be but here with you. We will stay."

Sheppard looked around as McKay, Ronon, and Elizabeth all nodded. Part of him hated for them to stay, watching him and waiting for him to possibly go into convulsions and die. It made him sick to think of them remembering him that way. Another part of him was so relieved they didn't leave. If he was going to die, he didn't want to be alone while he waited. He looked around the room to his team – his friends – his family. "Thanks."

After a brief, awkward silence, they began to talk. They talked about missions they had been on and all the things that had gone wrong. They talked about funny times and tragic times and times that they were afraid. They shared funny as well as touching tidbits about their teammates as they tried not to watch the clock.

Beckett finally reappeared after a particularly funny story about Sheppard and McKay that had left everyone in tears as they laughed hysterically.

"Looks like I missed a good one," the doctor quipped. "Colonel, how do you feel?" He eyed Sheppard carefully as he began taking his pulse.

Sheppard wiped the tears from his face with his other hand. He took a couple of deep breaths, trying not to think about what he and McKay must have looked like after being almost literally tarred and feathered by some villagers. "I'm good. Headache's gone, too."

Beckett grinned as he let the Colonel's arm drop back to the bed. "Well, good news. It's been two and a half hours. You're past our estimated deadline and since you don't even have a headache any more, I think it's a good bet that the treatment worked."

Silence filled the room for several seconds as everyone let the good news sink in. Teyla finally hopped down from the bed where she and Ronon had been sitting. She walked over to stand beside Sheppard and then leaned down and touched her forehead to his. They lingered a moment, and then she straightened.

"I am glad you are healed, John."

Sheppard grinned up at Teyla, noticing her use of his first name. "Thanks, Teyla."

"Well, you've got to admit, that's a heck of a lot better than being tarred and feathered," said McKay.

"Oh yes, you'll get no argument from me there. Much better." Sheppard leaned his head back against the pillow, feeling almost giddy with relief.

Beckett patted him on the leg. "Well, Colonel, it looks like you'll be with us for a while longer, I'm glad to say."

"Looks that way, Doc. I guess I owe you and Rodney a big thanks."

McKay crossed his arms and smiled. "I guess we did save your life . . . yet again. So, when can we expect payment on that, Colonel?"

Sheppard broke out in a lop-sided grin. "How about during the next wraith attack? Or maybe when Kolya takes you hostage next? Or maybe when – "

"Okay, I get the point. Maybe we'll just keep taking turns," said Rodney.

"Works for me," said Sheppard. "But McKay? Thanks."

oOo

Sheppard sat on the edge of the bed, swinging his legs back and forth and then making circles in the air with his feet. One leg swung a little wider than he had anticipated, resulting in him kicking Dr. Beckett.

"Oops, sorry Doc."

Beckett clicked his pen back and forth against the clipboard with Sheppard's chart and pursed his lips. "Colonel, if you actually want to get out of here today, you're going to have to sit still a minute. It's almost like trying to entertain a child."

"Hey, that was uncalled for."

Beckett started to reply, but was cut off by McKay loudly entering the infirmary. "Hey, Colonel. Are you ready to blow this joint yet? I've been waiting on you to eat lunch, but my stomach is growling and I can't wait forever. Is Carson holding you hostage in here?"

Sheppard just grinned and nodded toward Beckett.

Beckett sighed loudly. "All right, Colonel, you can go. But remember, let me know if the headaches come back or if you have any blackouts or dizziness."

Sheppard jumped off the edge of the bed. "Thanks, Doc."

Beckett held his hand up to Sheppard's chest, stopping him. "Whoa, Colonel, not so fast. You are not cleared for duty and you are to get some rest over the next few days. We may have cured what ailed you, but you're still weak from it. Do I make myself clear?"

"Perfectly. I'll be good and, yes, I know you'll be watching."

Beckett smiled. "Good. I'm glad you understand. Now you can go."

Sheppard joined McKay and they walked out the door and down the hall. At the end of the hall, McKay started to turn toward the mess hall, but Sheppard grabbed his arm.

"Hey, Rodney. Could I ask a favor?"

McKay turned back toward Sheppard. "Yeah, but make it snappy, because I wasn't kidding back there. My stomach really is growling and I really am hungry."

Sheppard hesitated and looked down, obviously uneasy. McKay frowned. "Just spit it out. What do you want?"

"I want you to show me the lab where you and Beckett took me." Sheppard was still looking at the floor.

McKay drew up one corner of his mouth a little. "You still can't remember, can you?"

Sheppard shook his head. "Not a thing. Beckett said at this point, it's doubtful I will. I don't know why, but it's driving me crazy. I thought if I just saw the room, maybe it would spark something."

"Why is this bugging you so much? We told you what happened. And you wouldn't remember the actual process anyway, since Beckett knocked you out. Believe me, it looked like something you would want to be unconscious for."

Sheppard looked up at McKay. "Just one quick look at the room and then we'll go eat. I'll even give you my dessert. I hear it's chocolate fudge cake today."

McKay's eyes widened. "Chocolate fudge cake? I guess a quick look can't hurt. Come on, it's this way." McKay headed quickly down the hall. Sheppard grinned as he hurried to catch up, thinking how backwards the situation seemed.

"Hold up McKay, recovering man trying to run here." Sheppard struggled to catch up, driving home how right Beckett had been about how weak he still was.

McKay slowed to wait on him. "Ha! Mr. I'm-in-shape-and-you're-not! Look who can't keep up with whom!"

"Give me a break, McKay, I just had my brain fried."

"I know how you feel."

Sheppard sighed as the two men stood looking at one another. "Sorry. I guess you do. But could we walk a little slower anyway?"

McKay smiled again as they turned and started walking. "Yeah. I guess I was just excited. They don't have the fudge cake very often and it's the best thing they make. You aren't going to back out on me at the last minute, are you?"

"No, I wouldn't do that to you. I know this whole thing sounds crazy and I appreciate you taking me down to the lab. I hate this feeling that I've lost time again and if I can just at least figure out what happened, I think I can deal with it better."

"Again? Did you just say again?"

They walked in silence for several minutes until McKay could stand it no longer. "Colonel, I asked you a question. You said 'again', like this has happened before."

Sheppard sighed, regretting his slip of the tongue. "I took a blow to the head in an explosion a few years ago. I still can't remember anything about the explosion or the week leading up to it. It's one of the most frustrating things I've ever experienced. People kept referring to things they'd said or I had done and I had no idea what they were talking about." Sheppard snickered. "And then your "real" friends start making stuff up when they realize you have no way of knowing the difference. Mitch tried to tell me I gave him my favorite CD."

McKay smacked himself in the side of the head. "All this time we could have been having such a good time. Why didn't I think of that? Oh the missed opportunities. Hey, maybe it's not too late. I could get Teyla and Ronon together, and maybe Carson and Elizabeth, and we could – "

"McKay!"

McKay sighed. "Oh, all right. Don't get your panties in a wad. It's really too late for it to work effectively anyway. And here we are." McKay stopped and pointed to the door way they were standing next to.

Sheppard slowly walked in and looked around the room. He made his way over to the exam table, feeling nervous and not knowing why. "What did you do?"

McKay went to the control panel and slid open the panel, pulling out a few of the electrodes. "I attached these electrodes to your head, Carson gave you some sweet drugs to put you in la la land, and then I turned it on. It sent a low level electrical pulse through your brain."

Sheppard winced and brought his hand up to the side of his head.

McKay was watching. "Do you remember?"

"More of a feeling really. I don't know if it's remembered or just imagined, but I don't think I like it either way." Sheppard sat on the edge of the exam table. "This room makes me afraid, McKay. Maybe you're right. Maybe it's better if I don't remember." He looked over to McKay. "Do you remember what happened after you took the enzyme?"

McKay went pale for a second and Sheppard was sorry he'd asked. Then McKay walked over and sat on the table next to Sheppard.

"Bits and pieces. It's almost like a dream, really. I know I said some pretty nasty things to Carson and I can't for the life of me imagine what would possess me to ever say those things. And yet I can remember doing it. I've apologized of course, but that doesn't take it away. I think about it when I talk to him and I wonder if he's thinking about it too."

Sheppard silently stared at his feet for a few seconds. "Yeah, I know how that feels," he said quietly, remembering all the things he'd done while he was turning into a bug and how long it had taken to feel like anyone trusted him again.

McKay looked at Sheppard and, for the first time, realized how he must have felt after the "bug incident". "I guess you do. I never realized . . . it must have been hard."

Sheppard just shrugged. "You deal, and it gets better. After a while, you don't feel so much like everyone is second guessing you. At least you only insulted Carson and didn't take out half the security force. Try living that down." _Try pinning Elizabeth to the wall and choking her, while her eyes plead with you to stop. See how long it takes you to get past that one._

"_Just_ insulted Carson? Are you serious? He's the man with all the sharp pointy things and the power to use them. I'm afraid to go anywhere near the infirmary."

Sheppard laughed. "In that case, I'm flattered that you came in there long enough to see me."

"Well, what are friends for. At least I don't have to worry about you fainting all over the place any more."

"I told you McKay. I didn't faint, I passed out."

"Whatever. Just don't do it any more. Let's go eat, I'm starved."

"Me too!" They hopped off the table and began moving toward the door. "Hey, do I really have to give you my dessert?"

McKay moaned. "Here we go, I knew you were going to back out on me. Why do I listen to you?"

"Calm down, McKay. I'm not backing out, I was just asking. How about half a dessert?"

"You said I could have your dessert if I drug your sorry butt down here, and that's what I want."

"Fine, you can have my dessert."

"Thank you." McKay finally relaxed as they walked down the hall.

"Can I at least have a bite?"

THE END


End file.
